Career Tips

If you know me personally, the title to this post must be a real head-scratcher. Let me assure you, through having made mistakes that violate each of these points at least once, I have acquired the requisite experience to share my advice on the subject.

1. Trust your spidey-sense.

If you feel like you’ve seen a certain situation before (like immanent restructuring), you have. If someone tries to reassure you that that’s not what’s about to happen, it is. If it’s in the form of a memo, run.

2. Corporate spies know your future.

If you use their techniques, you can too. An hour spent browsing the corporate network drive can pay off handsomely. Look for directories with very odd names; it’s popular to use historical references, like “Vesuvius,” “Alamo,” “Thermopylae” or “Terminal 5.” Once inside, the PowerPoints and PDFs likely contain the plans to the restructuring about to occur next week.

3. Update your resume regularly.

Once a decade is not “regularly.” Successful people update their resume every three to six months. If you find you don’t have anything to add and are just changing the date, your career is stagnating. You should have done at least one new thing. Right now I myself am sifting through eight years of statistical data, trying to estimate when certain changes in my job responsibilities took effect. It’s a real exercise in theoretical archaeology.

4. Have a very nice suit that fits you.

Is your only good suit the one you were hired in? Are you, like me, about twenty to thirty pounds wider than you were when it last fit? The last funeral I went to, my outfit was like a game of Sesame Street Mix ‘n Match. Dressed like that, the only interview I could ever hope to nail would be for a warehouse lab professional engineering position requiring neglect of clothing.

5. Never threaten to quit.

It brands you as a liar. If you’re going to quit, quit. Leave enough time for a replacement to be trained, and put in place, but be the only one knowing what you are going to do when you walk into that office. If you keep threatening to quit, but don’t, you give people the (correct) impression that, whatever happens, you’ll grumble a bit, and then go back to doing exactly as you’re told.

6. Don’t burn your bridges; set charges around the supports.

The people you work for and with now may be the people you work with in the future. Even worse, they may work for you. Don’t sour your relationship with them. Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder. On the other hand, make sure your break is a clean break, or you’ll end up doing both jobs for a period of time. Usually, you’re only paid for the one.

7. Walk in like you’re new, sit down like you own the place.

Promotion or lateral transfer, you should start the same way as you would start a new job. Shave. Wear a suit. Iron your shirt and invest in some of those neat collar stays with the neodymium magnets. Look like you still want the job. When you do your work, bring the whole weight of your personal knowledge and experience to bear on the task at hand, and the person who hired you won’t be left wondering why they did.

8. Never ask for a raise.

The last person to ask for a raise was Dagwood Bumstead. Most attempts are usually as successful as his were. Socialism aside, you probably don’t deserve to be paid more. Ask yourself what your last deliverable was. You know, that project you finished. Would you have paid that much for the result? All that overtime you do just makes it worse. People wonder why it takes you more time to do the same job as everybody else. Why would you get a raise when you’re already being paid more than your peers? Keep in mind that even bad employers pay people more if they don’t want them to leave, as long as they’re doing a good job.

Does anyone else have some career advice they’d like to share?