Things I have yet to do for April Fools’ Day

I am an absolute coward when it comes to April Fool’s Day. Most years, I take the day off work. Our office has its fair share of practical jokers, some of them fairly high-placed, and a history of balloon-filled offices, plastic-wrapped cubicles and exciting false announcements.

Here are some things I have never done, but thought of doing, on April Fools’ Day:

• Replace all the phones in the office with rotary-dial. There are about four hundred phones.
• Reprint all of the schedules in Elvish script. One year I did set the “back print film” option, which was funny, although I wasn’t there to see it.
• Anything out of US Department of the Army Field Manual 5-31, Boobytraps.
• Hide something in the office to make my portable radiation dosimeter go off.
• Some sort of elaborate Rube Goldberg contraption that is triggered by someone moving their mouse and results in, I don’t know, all the cubicle dividers falling down. Or something.

See, it’s better if I don’t do these things. Has anyone else noticed that the practical joking has gotten more lame since 2001? Half of the good pranks count as terrorist acts these days. You can’t make stuff explode, cover people in white powder, whipped cream, fog, gas, itching ink or anything really fun.

Anyone do or be subjected to anything spectacular this morning?